Saturday, December 26, 2009

stream of consciousness poem after being back in the valley


i was that girl in the broken dress with the rhinestone tears skidding down my cheeks and cutting into my flesh
i was searching for you riding naked on the hood of your car
your wild voice and the fur cape the dancing stuffed animals and the way the trees dipped their blue green salt branches leaves into your mouth but i was at the other end of the valley too far away to find you

i was always thirsty and wine burned my throat cheap from my friend’s mother’s cellar so we could ride out into the darker parts of the valley and get fucked up and dance all night and the tire stores the car lots the neon the lonely lonely but we didn’t ride far enough i wanted you

we must find the ocean i thought running scared over the parking lot where the girl was killed by the drunk driver why does it keep getting harder why does the tumor grow in my father and when the oleander blooms the poison is in my throat but i won’t smoke cigarettes and won’t drive drunk only with drunk boys at the wheel and i won’t try lsd and i wont jump out the window and i am going to keep believing that across the expanse of this almost-killed valley lies something unbroken

perhaps a beautiful, scarred, naked boy with blue-green eyes and soft, dark hair riding on the hood of his car with a stuffed giraffe dancing in his hand and music playing in citrus colors

now it is two decades later and i am your tiger lily sober in a whole dress and the most beautiful thing i have ever seen is your fingers that quick on the keyboard of my soul and the eyelids of your eyes poised in concentration and your lips thinking and time and space have finally collapsed bringing us together and now you are here


  1. what a tangible flash-vision of past and present life in search of personal identity and love. now i'm inspired to try to write something like this.

  2. so, so beautiful. this is how i am going to try to think about the love in my own life

  3. yes, yes, yes. <3 Beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous.

  4. Beautiful. I've always been a reader but until I started reading your work I never really understood how beautiful and moving words could be.

  5. stunned. you make LA and love so vivid. i feel like i'm there again even when i'm here.