Friday, March 26, 2010

Wonderland


Alice spinning down the rabbit hole falling rimmed with darkness
At the bottom the only door is a tiny one that reads “cash”
I have to get inside
toil to forget
so i won’t keep falling
down

Listen, have you heard
The frog chirping in my garden
Who called it croaking?
He and my children are my only comfort
The rest of the world feels diseased
Ready to crash
On my head like a rotten tree

Will the last time I make love be that one
Drugged on Ativan and Ambien after sobbing for hours
Unable to see
And unable in the morning to remember?
I’ll accept it as long as you give my eye back
I’ll cradle it in my arms like a baby
Feed it like a fish
It almost split in half and died
Now it wears a wedding band
I have to learn to be whole without one
Or even a kiss
And the words “You’re beautiful! You can see!”
Even if just a bit and you’d be beautiful blind as well!"
No, I can’t expect those luxuries anymore
Perhaps I'll get rich
And hang a chandelier made of faerie silhouettes
Fill the room with soft velvet chairs and even a rug on the floor!
A Jacuzzi in the back, a gazebo and a magnolia tree
A working stove a refrigerator without a pookah in it
or just health insurance and refinancing

The high school kids want me to talk to them about my books
They worry about enough food to eat
who thinks of being a writer?
But they’re respectful and one girl with the fancy name
Had me sign her shirt in Sharpie pen
Like a rock star
I tell them writing saved my life
And joke about doing it until i’m a little old lady with one working eye
They laugh and don't think I mean it

Maybe here in this dingy auditorium I’ll forget that the last time I made love
You’d just had a psychotic break
And that I’d never see you again
Or that one eye is like a rabbit hole
Or that except for my children and the singing frog in my pond
Bared from the loss of the big old tree
I’ve given up

9 comments:

  1. I can’t take away anything
    I can’t give much more
    You only know I’ve been here before

    Like April rain
    I used to be the bringer of roses
    Daisies, sun-bright daffodils on the highway hills

    Or, at least, I thought I was once

    Before I wanted to kiss the girl in the black cat-suit
    Before Dr. Jekyll turned into Mr. Hyde one too many times
    Before my body collapsed under the weight of daydreams and saving my mother
    Before I forgot to breathe through it all

    Now I will turn 23 without a first kiss
    Now I am really acknowledging the man for the monster he is
    Still working on untangling the knots in my back and neck and legs
    And getting my mother and myself to safety, to home
    And remembering, sometimes, to breathe

    I can’t take away anything

    But someday
    I will plant flowers again

    Because I promised you one

    I guess I havn’t really given up
    After all
    ------------------------

    always always
    .:*

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  2. Francesca, I am sending strength to you across the country (or trying to). I hope in times like these you remember that you have touched so many so profoundly with your artbeauty.

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  3. Francesca, I love your work...it helped me unbelievably so..You've touched my life in so many of your books..I just wanted to say thank you for being there as an author for the world. We are all so undeserving of such great poetry, aswell as your stories of the things we stop ourselves in fear of the unknown for experiencing for ourselves. You helped me understand that even though i've been through quiet a bit I still can be an extrodinary teenager and I don't have to live every day being affraid. I very well may become an author someday, thanks to you. You've been an inspiration from the very second I picked up a copy of Echo from the public library. I hope to meet you someday...if you were to autograph my poetry book it would literally mean the world to me. Another thing I would like to throw out there is I want to become a movie director and when I do I would love to turn some of your creations into a movie someday, if that would be of any interest to you please email me at: love.him15@yahoo.com

    Thanks again,
    Angelle Sutton

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  4. I had a breakdown two weeks ago and finally got out of bed the other day after reading Witch Baby. Your writing made me realize the beauty in the pain.

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  5. I think that I too am in a place right now where I need to realize the beauty in the pain. Thank you again for your beautiful words, Francesca.

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  6. Nothing has done more to get me through the mental breakdown I've had in the past months than you and your writing. Your writing has saved us just as it has saved you. Please don't give up. We love you.

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