Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A poem for Gilda

It’s been six months since you left
Out of the top of your head
Shining
And the room had never been so empty
Nor your body
now a tiny shell dressed in fresh pink cotton
Before it,too, was carried off by men in suits

I don’t wonder so much where you have gone
but on bad days I want to go the way you did
And if it wasn't for my children
And not just my biological ones (though mostly)
I’d want it really badly

You broke your heart open one too many times
Like a little otter with a shell and a rock
And I can’t do that anymore
If I try again
My whole body will break
Just like yours
Invaded by Death’s gropings at the site of Love's decimation

So I’ve given up
On my desire for someone to accept the offering of my broken-open heart
That someone, floating on his back in the sea beside me
Big dark eyes and a body of immeasurable warmth

How do you lose the person you love most
You don’t
You die with them
or at least a part of you
And then you find them again

Now all I want is my home
This is the other shell I’ll inhabit
Until I die
(Like you, with a beloved child on either side)
I am it’s heart
And eventually
I will be released

5 comments:

  1. Beautiful. Lovely. And, I can painfully relate on a few levels.

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  2. Francesca, this is powerful and touching ~ so very beautiful. Your mother was incredible and I can only imagine how deep your connection is to one another. It was lovely to see. Your poem is of course personal, yet so strongly felt & so meaningful to me, as it helps me articulate my own losses over the years. I thank you for writing & sharing.
    Love to you~

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  3. Heartbreaking. So much love to you <3

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  4. i found this poem deeply moving.i too feel as though my heart has been continuously cracked open.
    i send you peace and courage in my thoughts.
    Lu

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