Saturday, February 2, 2013


since when did i become this numb
my arm a-tingle
like a phantom
since when?
i’ll tell you

holding my mother in my arms
pulling pink cotton clothes off stiff arms and legs
dressing her for the pyre
wrapping her in a sheet
watching as the men took her away
driving home alone
climbing into bed alone
knowing i’d have to tell my children in the morning
dressing for work the next day
smiling in a flowered blouse
fighting with the bank
being fucked by one who never kissed
getting the key back in the mail
putting a strong young seizing dog to sleep with no one at my side
slipping on a wet floor
in high heeled boots and getting up like nothing’s wrong
getting up again and again
like nothing’s wrong


  1. beautifully written. my father died suddenly last st. patrick's day at age 58. it is so hard. keep getting up! but you don't have to pretend like nothing's wrong. *hugs*
    ~amanda (i took two of your workshops in LA & brought your mother a flower at the bookstore)

  2. dear amanda
    of course i remember you. so sorry for your loss. sending love. you were so kind to me and my mom

  3. your brutal honesty never ceases to amaze me, especially when things hurt the most. sometimes things get so fucked up and we just can't fix them. yet you stay pretty, and smile with love through it all... smashing hate. i'm sorry if i'm expressing too much here. you just make me feel so much. stay strong sister <3

  4. Don't ever let anyone tell you you're weak. You're one of the strongest people I know.

  5. I love you. I send only good and beautiful energy to you.

  6. Thank you for the work that you do. Your work has always touched me and helped in times I needed it. This piece holds true to that.